Another week.....
....another GBP....
....and another edition of our Village rag races to the presses.....
This week I got a lovely letter from a confused husband - seeking my valuable advice.....
"Dear Lord Noel....
I am writing to you because I have reached a point where I can no longer understand my wife......
...and I am hoping you can advise me.
We were chatting away happily enough....
....when suddenly she went quiet on me.....
....and now refuses to talk to me at all!
I remember the conversation distinctly.......
....we were sitting quietly in bed reading when my wife suddenly looks over at me and asks:
"What would you do if I died?..... Would you get married again?"
"Definitely not!" I reply.
"Why not? Don't you like being married?" she responds.
"Of course I do," I say.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" asks my wife.
"Okay, okay, I'd get married again," I admit.
"You would?" the wife says with a hurt look.
I groan.....and decide to stop digging.
"Would you live in our house?" my wife asks.
"Of course, this is a lovely house," I reply.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" my wife persists.
"Where else would we sleep?" I ask.
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"Probably, it's almost new," I respong....(that's when I answer her loudly to cover the sound of a high pitched fart).
"Would you replace my pictures with hers?" she asks.
"That would seem like the proper thing to do," I answer.
"Would you give her my jewelry?"
"No. I'm sure she'd want to use her own," I retort.
"Would she use my golf clubs?" my wife asks.
"No, she's left-handed." I say.....
"What would you do if I died?..... Would you get married again?"
"Definitely not!" I reply.
"Why not? Don't you like being married?" she responds.
"Of course I do," I say.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" asks my wife.
"Okay, okay, I'd get married again," I admit.
"You would?" the wife says with a hurt look.
I groan.....and decide to stop digging.
"Would you live in our house?" my wife asks.
"Of course, this is a lovely house," I reply.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" my wife persists.
"Where else would we sleep?" I ask.
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"Probably, it's almost new," I respong....(that's when I answer her loudly to cover the sound of a high pitched fart).
"Would you replace my pictures with hers?" she asks.
"That would seem like the proper thing to do," I answer.
"Would you give her my jewelry?"
"No. I'm sure she'd want to use her own," I retort.
"Would she use my golf clubs?" my wife asks.
"No, she's left-handed." I say.....
And since then she hasn't said a word to me!......
Yours confusedly
Alphonse Jamtart"....and my response....
"Dear Alphonse,
You have been given a great and rare gift......indeed there are not many men who can induce prolonged silence in a woman.....Enjoy it while you can!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel"
