Here in the countryside we pride ourselves on being 'in touch' with nature.....
....but sometimes we have to forego some of the so called 'pleasures' of modern life.
One such pleasure is alledgedly the 'Computer'.....
....most of our village has yet to be connected to the Internet!
I am lucky enough to have had a line installed.....
.....but for the rest of the locals....
....the world of computers is still somewhat alien to them...
...for example....here are a few well known 'Computer terms'......
....with their corresponding local interpretations:
COMPUTER TERMS - VILLAGE TRANSLATION:
LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Get the fyrwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood off the truck
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha get from tryin to carry too much fyrwood
RAM: A male sheep
HARD DRIVE: Tryin to get home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside
BYTE: What them mozzie flies do
CHIP: What ya have wif yer fish
MICRO CHIP: One what's left in the bottom of the frying pan
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Bob Matrix's wife
LAP TOP: Where the cat sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the blasted tractor keys
HARDWARE: Useful stuff- like hammers 'n' nails
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole
MAIN FRAME: What holds up the barn roof
SOFTWARE: Sissy clothes - like clean underpants
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel
